updates

it's fifteen minutes to christmas eve right now! so excited; my favourite season/holiday of all time indeed. i haven't been updating this space for awhile now, i've been so caught up with holidays - went to gold coast (post another time, i'm just too lazy right now) and since i've been back it's been nonstop meeting up with people and sleepover fun with cel, mad and char :* i'll do those posts another time, really. tons to say but i'm really not in the mood right now.

/

frustration and sadness at its peak right now; i suppose this is all part of growing up - where one gains freedom and explores, tries to see the world in a new light, make new friends, find who you really are, get hurt, fall down and stand up again. i'm trying so hard to have no regrets in my life; i don't want to think in the future "what if i made more effort to meet these people", "would i still be as close to them" and i'm not prioritizing anybody over you all, like you think and feel i am. i really don't understand your unfounded fears; in the beginning i did, but now it's gotten to a point i really don't enjoy doing anything anymore because all your fears/anxiety/paranoia/anger kill my buzz immediately the very moment it starts. you liken me to a bird that's about to migrate and never return when really, all i am is a bird that wants to fly freely and naturally return to the cage every single day. i know you love me, and you love me fiercely, that is why you want us to stick together, always and forever.

stick to you, i will. if that is what you want.

i haven't forgotten you, for the last time. i never will.